Why don’t you allow yourself to relax and unwind, even when you’re completely exhausted? The psychological reasons why you think about work while on vacation.
Why can’t you relax?
Weekends, vacations—it would seem like the perfect time to unwind, relax, unwind, forget about work or school for a while, but for some reason, you can’t. Inside, you’re swamped with worry, anxiety, uncertainty, panic, guilt, shame, and other negative emotions…
If you feel worse lying on the couch than working on a project with a deadline, if you sit by the pool under the palm trees and can’t stop thinking about work or school, if you wake up in the middle of the night on vacation and immediately start thinking about what you need to do, then you know exactly what we’re talking about.
Experts call this condition “rest intolerance” or “rest resistance.”
But why can’t you simply allow yourself to relax and unwind, even when you’re incredibly tired, overtired, or even on the verge of nervous and physical exhaustion? Why do weekends and vacations, instead of offering respite, refreshment, and positive emotions, become a source of stress?
The problem is that you tie your identity and self-worth to constant productivity. A break from work or study is internally perceived as something wrong, abnormal, a failure, if not a complete failure. You feel that without constant productive activity, you’re a nobody, a zero, your existence has no meaning, you’re suspended in some kind of airless space, and you don’t understand what you’re doing here. This is where panic, anxiety, worry, and guilt come from.
People with rest intolerance tend to constantly compare themselves to colleagues at work or school, fear falling behind, being worse, and tend to dwell on unfinished tasks and hold illogical beliefs that rest must be earned or that it should be very short.
Over time, rest begins to feel like a chore rather than a reward. Instead of replenishing energy, rest becomes a source of stress, reinforcing the cycle of exhaustion.
How to learn to relax?
American psychologist and motivational specialist Bobby HoffmanoffersFor those who are unable to rest, don’t force yourself to do so, but try a different approach—look at a break from work or study as a productive strategy, not an excuse to feel useless, guilty, or lazy.
Here’s how this approach can be applied in practice.
1. Create your own schedule
Don’t let others dictate your work and rest schedule. You know best when you need to work and when you need to rest.
- Accept that taking a break from work is a strategic move, not a sign of weakness.
- Ignore the productivity preachers.
People who tell you to never give up or always give 100% are wrong. Neither science nor practice supports the belief that you can always be equally motivated, engaged, and productive. Downturns, pauses, and breaks are necessary; you’ll become dysphoric.
2. Acknowledge the real problem
If you experience psychological discomfort during rest, the problem lies in your thinking. Recognize that you may be a victim of social comparison, and that your discomfort stems from an imaginary fear of falling out of favor and losing status, rather than a real situation. Recognize that your value as a person doesn’t depend on your productivity, and permit yourself to stop.
