Life is often likened to a roller coaster ride. There are thrills and spills throughout life; there are ups and downs that take one’s breath away; and then there are unexpected turns that surprise one and make one stunned and amazed with wonder.
There are certain things that are outside our control with respect to a roller coaster ride; but with respect to our own lives and our own destinies, we are able to make certain choices.
We may not be able to control how a roller coaster goes; but we are absolutely able
Emotional resilience does not pertain to the avoidance of pain or stress but rather the ability to see through trying times and “bounce back.” Emotional resilience involves the connection between the mind and the body. When the connection between the mind and the body is built, one is able to handle whatever is thrown his or her way.
In this complete guide, you will learn the science of resilience and the secrets to building it, as well as the critical role that physical health has in building mental resilience.
What is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience is the mental process by which you can deal with times of tragedy, trauma, threats, or stress. You can think about this one way: when you stretch a rubber band, it elongates. But when you remove your hand, the rubber band goes back to its original form. This is how resilience works—coming back to your “original form” after being stretched.
It is worth noting here that to be resilient does not mean that you do not experience the weight of the problems you face. Yes, resilient people experience all the emotions related to grief and anger. But the thing is that they “have a toolbox of solutions that enable them to work through these emotions and move on.”
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela
The Mind and Body Connection
To build true resilience, we need to understand that the mind and body are connected. The way we think affects how our bodies feel, while our physical health has an effect on our thoughts.
When you are stressed, there is a hormone produced called cortisol. In small doses, cortisol is what helps to keep you alert. However, chronic stress keeps cortisol levels up and may cause physical problems such as headaches, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system.
On the other hand, when you look after your body with exercise and nutrition, your brain starts to produce “feel-good” chemicals like endorphins and serotonin. These help to make it easier to remain calm and think clearly through a crisis. You can’t have a resilient mind if you neglect your body, and vice versa, as you can’t have a healthy body if your mind is going into panic mode at every little thing.
Characteristics of a Resilient Person
Before we dive into the techniques, let’s look at what resilience looks like in action. Below is a comparison table to help you understand the difference between high and low emotional resilience.
Comparison Table: High vs. Low Emotional Resilience
| Feature | High Emotional Resilience | Low Emotional Resilience |
|---|---|---|
| Reaction to Failure | Sees failure as a learning opportunity. | Feels defeated and gives up easily. |
| Perspective | Focuses on what they can control. | Focuses on things outside their control. |
| Problem Solving | Looks for solutions and asks for help. | Feels overwhelmed and avoids the problem. |
| Self-Talk | Uses positive and realistic affirmations. | Uses harsh self-criticism and “all or nothing” thinking. |
| Physical Awareness | Listens to the body’s need for rest and movement. | Ignores physical signs of stress until burnout happens. |
| Social Life | Maintains strong, supportive relationships. | Withdraws from others during hard times. |
Techniques to Build Resilience: The “Mind” Strategy
Building resilience starts with how we process information. Here are several mental techniques to help you stay strong.
1. Cognitive Reframing
Cognitive reframing is the practice of changing the way you look at a situation. Instead of seeing a “problem,” try seeing a “challenge.”
- Example: Instead of saying, “I lost my job; my life is over,” you might say, “I lost my job, which is scary, but now I have an opportunity to find a career that actually makes me happy.”
2. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding
Mindfulness is the act of being fully present in the moment. When we are stressed, our minds often jump to the “what ifs” of the future or the “if onlys” of the past. Mindfulness brings you back to the “now.”
A simple technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method:
- Identify 5 things you can see.
- Identify 4 things you can touch.
- Identify 3 things you can hear.
- Identify 2 things you can smell.
- Identify 1 thing you can taste.
This forces your brain to reconnect with your physical environment, calming the “fight or flight” response.
3. Develop Self-Compassion
We are often our own harshest critics. Resilience requires being kind to yourself. If a friend was going through a hard time, you wouldn’t tell them they are a failure. You would offer them support. You deserve that same kindness from yourself.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” — Maya Angelou
Techniques to Build Resilience: The “Body” Strategy
As we discussed, the mind and body are linked. You can improve your mental strength by taking physical action.
1. Prioritize Sleep
Sleep is not a luxury; it is a biological necessity for emotional regulation. When you are sleep-deprived, the part of your brain that handles emotions (the amygdala) becomes hyper-reactive. This makes small problems feel like disasters. Aim for 7–9 hours of quality sleep to give your brain time to process the day’s stressors.
2. Move Your Body
Exercise is one of the most effective ways to build resilience. Physical activity burns off excess adrenaline and cortisol. It doesn’t have to be a marathon; even a 20-minute walk can change your brain chemistry. Movement reminds your body that it is capable and strong.
3. Focus on Nutrition
What you eat affects your mood. A diet high in processed sugars can lead to “crashes” that mimic the feelings of anxiety and depression. Focus on whole foods, healthy fats (like Omega-3s), and staying hydrated to keep your brain fueled and stable.
Social Resilience: Why Connection Matters
No man is an island. One of the strongest predictors of resilience is the quality of a person’s social support system. Having people you can talk to, laugh with, and lean on is essential.
How to Build Your Social Safety Net:
- Be a good friend: Resilience is a two-way street. By supporting others, you build a community that will support you.
- Join a group: Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a volunteer group, being part of something bigger than yourself provides a sense of purpose.
- Seek professional help: Vulnerability is a sign of strength. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with professional tools to manage your emotions.
Building a Daily Resilience Routine
Resilience isn’t something you “get” once and keep forever. It is like a muscle that needs regular exercise. Here is a sample daily routine to help you maintain your mind and body health.
Morning: Setting the Tone
- Avoid the Phone: Don’t check emails or social media for the first 15 minutes. This prevents your brain from starting the day in a “reactive” state.
- Hydrate: Drink a glass of water to wake up your internal organs.
- Intentions: Ask yourself, “What is one thing I want to focus on today?” (e.g., being patient, being productive, or being kind).
Afternoon: The Mid-Day Reset
- Step Outside: Even 5 minutes of fresh air can break the cycle of stress.
- Deep Breathing: Practice “Box Breathing” (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4). This signals to your nervous system that you are safe.
Evening: Reflection and Recovery
- Gratitude Journaling: Write down three things you are grateful for. This shifts your brain’s focus from what is “wrong” to what is “right.”
- Digital Detox: Turn off screens an hour before bed to help your brain produce melatonin.
Overcoming Major Setbacks
When a major life event happens—like a breakup, a loss, or a health crisis—resilience techniques might feel insufficient. In these moments, it is important to remember the “Rule of Small Steps.”
When the mountain feels too big to climb, don’t look at the top. Look at your feet. What is the one thing you can do in the next hour? Can you take a shower? Can you make a phone call? Can you eat a healthy meal?
Resilience is built one small step at a time. Over weeks and months, these small steps add up to a journey of recovery.
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” — J.K. Rowling
The Role of Purpose and Meaning
Resilient people often find a “why” for their suffering. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, observed that those who survived the concentration camps were often those who had a purpose to live for.
Finding meaning doesn’t mean you are glad a bad thing happened. It means you use that experience to help others or to grow as a person.
- Did your struggle make you more empathetic?
- Did it teach you a new skill?
- Can you use your story to inspire someone else?
When you find meaning in your challenges, they lose their power to break you.
Common Obstacles to Resilience
It is easy to talk about being resilient, but many things can get in the way. Recognizing these obstacles is the first step to overcoming them.
- Perfectionism: The belief that you must never make a mistake makes resilience impossible. If you expect perfection, every mistake feels like a catastrophe. Accept that you are human and “perfectly imperfect.”
- Avoidance: While it feels good in the short term to ignore problems, avoidance allows stress to grow. Resilience requires facing the discomfort.
- Comparing Yourself to Others: Everyone’s journey is different. Some people appear resilient on the outside but are struggling on the inside. Focus only on your own progress.
Summary and Final Thoughts
Building emotional resilience is a lifelong journey. It is a commitment to nurturing both your mind and body. By practicing cognitive reframing, maintaining physical health, and fostering social connections, you create a foundation that can withstand life’s harshest storms.
Remember:
- Resilience is a skill, not a trait. You aren’t born with it; you build it.
- The mind and body are one. Take care of both to stay strong.
- Small steps matter. You don’t have to fix everything today.
Life will always have challenges. But with a resilient spirit, you won’t just survive those challenges—you will grow through them. Start today by taking one small action. Whether it’s a deep breath, a short walk, or a kind word to yourself, you are already on your way to a stronger, more resilient you.
“On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sails and keep going.”
