If you’re well-versed in your own emotions, can easily articulate what you’re feeling, and name these experiences, then you already know everything written here.
But this is written for a different category of people. For those who have trouble distinguishing what exactly they’re feeling. More precisely, those who can’t name their emotions or distinguish between them, and who, as a result, are afraid of their own and others’ feelings. They struggle to manage their emotions, preferring to run, isolate themselves, and rationalize.
First, please answer this question: What are you feeling right now? Write down your answer.
Now, let’s get started.
In response to a question like this, people usually name various states they can identify. These can include:
- Sensations are what happen in a person’s body. For example, I’m tense. Or I feel my hands shaking. I feel a lump in my chest. My knees are buckling. I’m shaking all over. My mouth is dry. My cheeks are burning. The hard edge of the table is pressing against my hand.
- Emotions are a quick, subjective, integrated assessment of what exists now and the forecast for the future.
For example, a colleague walks into your office and tells you that the department unexpectedly received a large bonus, and you need to go collect it immediately. Your internal response—joy, surprise, or fear—will be your current emotions. Instantly, your brain evaluates the situation as favorable and evaluates future events.
Emotions have guaranteed the survival of our species. They not only provide an instant, holistic assessment of a situation and its development, but they also provide the necessary energy for action.
Therefore, the strength and intensity of emotions can vary, from the mildest, barely noticeable, to intense, even affective.
A human ancestor saw a tiger, felt a terrible, paralyzing fear, fell like a stone, and the tiger (well-fed) passed by. Or, he saw a tiger, remembered the devoured half of his tribe, experienced wild rage and anger, killed the striped one, and became chief. I’m exaggerating, of course, but this is how emotions work.
In a state of affect, all the body’s resources are expended on the struggle for survival. There is no analysis. A person burns out for the sake of the most effective action, victory.
Mood informs us of our general state. For example, you have been in a great mood since morning. You’re healthy, everything’s great with your family, you’re about to go on vacation, you’re about to get a promotion at work, and then some nasty person drives past in their car, crosses a puddle, and splashes your favorite shoes. Will you be upset? Most likely. Will you be very upset? Unlikely. You’ll experience some emotions—anger, for example. But overall, your mood will remain excellent. After all, your overall condition and the outlook for future events are encouraging.
The most profound and profound manifestation of our emotional sphere is feelings. Feelings reflect our assessment of social relationships, relationships between people, and our attitude toward human-created meanings.
Love for the paintings of Salvador Dali, love for a specific person, love for music. Feelings are typically quite long-lasting and intense. Passion, the extreme form of feeling, can be called passion.
So, the answer to the question, “What are you feeling now?” is an instantaneous assessment of what is and the future, which we experience as emotion, feeling, passion, affect, or mood. This experience has a coloring, a tone—it is perceived as pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant. And it gives us vital energy for action. More precisely, emotional manifestations are a simultaneous assessment of events, a readiness to act, and the energy for action.
It’s also possible that a person suddenly becomes aware of their emotions and immediately blurts out something like: I want to hit him, I want to kill him, I want to drop everything and leave, I want to lie down, fall asleep, and never wake up, I feel nothing at all, etc. Such people are very rigid and straightforward in their actions; they are, as they say, emotionally deaf, both to their own souls and to others.
Or, conversely, a person experiences a multitude of different emotions but doesn’t process them rationally, failing to utilize their available energy for the well-being of themselves and their loved ones. It’s like a flame in the wind: it seems to burn, but it doesn’t particularly warm anyone, it’s unclear why it burns, and the risk of fire is enormous. And, yes, with this approach to emotions, the likelihood of emotional burnout is high.
Having briefly examined the intensity, direction, and duration of emotional manifestations, let’s move on to the practical part: what kinds of emotions and feelings there are, and what to do with them?
Psychology has many theories explaining the various manifestations of human emotions. We won’t examine them, much less discuss the validity and correctness of identifying a specific number of basic emotions, etc. We will adhere to the principle of ease of use of information and its practical value.
1. So, in very general terms, you either feel good, you feel bad, or you feel nothing. And the fourth option is something incomprehensible or ambivalent.
Let us repeat: in a very rough approximation, you can say:
- Fine;
- Badly;
- Neither good nor bad;
- In some places it’s good, in others it’s bad.
2. Now let’s separate bodily sensations from actual emotional experiences.
Yes, yes, yes! They are connected. And directly. When you’re very hungry or in pain, irritability is guaranteed. When the body is tired, blood pressure has dropped, a person wants to sleep, and they become calm, sad, etc.
However, are your “good, bad, incomprehensible, and nothing” feelings connected to the body? Or to certain events, real or imagined?
Are you tense because your muscles are stagnant, because you’ve been sitting for too long? Or did something happen that made you tense?
Let’s determine where and what you feel:
- Sensations in the body;
- Emotions and feelings.
3. Decipher the experience, name it, and determine its intensity.
Initially, while you’re learning to name your feelings, you can use a list of emotions. Of course, you can supplement the list of feelings and emotions with your own individual names for experiences. You can add them to the list, taking into account the intensity of the experience.
Disgust: mild disgust, mild contempt, squeamishness, revulsion, hostility, antipathy, aversion, contempt, loathing, hatred.
Fear: a shadow of doubt, a fleeting fear, doubt, mild fear, trembling, fear, apprehension, mild anxiety, excitement, anxiety, severe anxiety, severe fear, mild horror, horror, paralyzing horror, horror, mind-boggling horror, panic.
Anger: mild irritation, displeasure, mild annoyance, discontent, annoyance, irritation, indignation, bitterness, seething anger, rage, malice, irascibility, wrath, rage, fury, ferocity, frenzy, frenzy, white rage.
Grief: mild chagrin, disappointment, chagrin, grief, sorrow, depression, sadness, sorrow, pity, grief, pain, regret, grief, sorrow, bitter grief, real grief.
Shame: mild shame, embarrassment, inconvenience, confusion, shame, humiliation, shamefacedness, disgrace (extreme shame), guilt.
Surprise: confusion, helplessness, impotence, bewilderment, astonishment, amazement, dumbfoundedness, shock.
Interest: apathy, boredom, indifference, excitement, vigor, interest, inspiration, envy, interest, passion, curiosity, composure, enthusiasm, energy.
Pleasure: serenity, calm, gratitude, peace, tenderness, contentment, drive, jubilation, irony, tenderness, joy, delight, admiration, pride, arrogance, happiness, euphoria, exaltation, ecstasy, love.
There are emotions that are experienced by all people, regardless of their culture, country, or upbringing. These are called basic. There are simple, elementary emotions whose parts cannot be distinguished. For example, fear. These are called elementary.
Quite often, we experience complex, composite feelings and emotions, such as resentment (a mixture of grief, disappointment, and anger), schadenfreude (anger and satisfaction), guilt (fear, shame, anger, and grief), or complex, subtle experiences such as light sadness or joy tinged with sadness.
Please look at the answer you wrote down. Now answer the question “What are you feeling?” again, using the cheat sheet with the list of emotions.
4. You’ve identified what you’re feeling. What can you do about it?
Ignore it. We all understand that this is a very unfortunate choice, right? Ignoring your feelings is possible when the situation requires it. But it’s best to do this occasionally, and for short periods of time.
Emotionalize. This is the “light in the wind” we talked about above.
Express. The difference from the previous point is awareness and thoughtfulness. For example, you don’t simply express your love for someone; you do it in their language, improving their life and bringing them joy.
You don’t chase after a child who brought home a bad grade with a scowl on their face and a slipper in their hand, but express your feelings: anger, pain, disappointment, fear for their future, concern for them, and love for them – in words, sincerely and. And this has a stunning effect – the child hears you.
Experience (endure). Sometimes in life, we experience feelings that can only be experienced. With time, they will pass, but this does not happen immediately. And not always. For example, homesickness occurs during emigration or when moving to another place of residence. The very presence of such experiences makes us human, real, and alive.
Analyze and use them effectively.
Live through them. Immerse yourself in a feeling and actively experience it, expressing, experiencing, utilizing, and implementing activity in various, even unrelated, areas of life. Many creative individuals strive to achieve a state of love, then, to the delight of their audiences and admirers, experience it this way—sparklingly, beautifully, creatively.
By understanding what we feel, we gain the ability to manage our emotional sphere and hear its messages, thinking and acting more effectively. We are in harmony with our soul, with our heart.
