Telepathy has nothing to do with it—mental connections have completely explainable signs and causes. Moreover, we can decide for ourselves with whom we establish a mental connection.
Psychologists explain how this works and whether it is possible to break the mental connection.
The material was commented on by:
Daria Yausheva, clinical psychologist, cognitive-behavioral and schema therapist;
Ekaterina Kozeikina, psychologist and systemic family therapist.
What is mental connection?
Better communication is possible when people keep each other in focus.
A mental connection is communication between people based on emotions, feelings, and thoughts. This concept isn’t found in scientific dictionaries, but it’s often used in everyday conversation, and everyone intuitively understands the kind of relationship we’re talking about. When one person can understand their partner without words, “read their mind,” divine their desires, sense that something has happened to them, even if they’re far away, in such cases, we say there’s a mental connection between the two. But haven’t any scientists really studied this phenomenon?
Daria Yausheva: “We really won’t find such a concept in a psychological dictionary. I would cite similar concepts— soulmate, empathy, and intuition. They will help us explain, from a psychological perspective, what a mental connection is and how it is formed.”
In scientific psychology, there is the concept of bonding—an emotional connection based on trust and cooperation. It is built not on logic, but on feeling. This connection presupposes an attraction (interest) between one person and a mutual expectation that it will continue (this is the definition of the American Psychological Association, APA ).
From a neurobiological perspective, two hormones—oxytocin and vasopressin—play a significant role in bonding. They are involved in processing social cues necessary for individual recognition. Mesolimbic dopamine (another hormone and neurotransmitter) reinforces the developing bond, simultaneously creating anticipation of the joy of further interaction. This is what makes partners (friends or family members) open and attentive to each other, motivating them to strive to strengthen the bond.
Improving connections becomes possible when people focus on each other, learn about each other’s habits, and strive to understand each other on a sensory and cognitive level. This requires effort and resources. But it is precisely because of this that people become kindred spirits
What is a soulmate? They are someone with whom you form a bond similar to that between relatives. This creates an intuitive (or mental) connection.
Intuition is a premonition based on existing knowledge and experience. Bonding, as an intuitive connection, is based on experience and knowledge that help you understand what’s happening in seconds, correlate your own experiences with your partner’s feelings, and draw conclusions about the current situation.
We discover common ground, attune ourselves to our soulmate (they’re important to us, so they’re the focus of our attention), and accumulate knowledge about them and their habits, constantly correlating this with our own experiences. Each time, it becomes easier for us to understand them; we no longer need to deliberately analyze and study them. We can divine and read each other’s thoughts because we already have knowledge and attunement with our soulmate.”
12 Signs of a Mental Connection
A sign of a mental connection can be considered “chemistry” – a physical and sensory response to the presence of another person.
Here is a list of signs that will help you accurately determine if there is a mental connection between you and another person.
- This connection is instantaneous or formed very quickly. You don’t know why, but this person feels like family. You don’t just meet them; it’s as if you already knew them.
- You can complete the sentence your partner begins to say. You can even predict what they’ll say next.
- There’s “chemistry”: a physical and sensory response to the presence of another person. You can literally feel a rise in temperature if the other person says they’re getting sick.
- You know at least roughly what the other person is feeling, what’s bothering them, upsetting them, or making them angry, even if they haven’t said it. When you voice it, you might hear a surprised, “How do you know?!”
- You feel this connection even when you’re far away from the other person. It’s a transcendental experience, difficult to explain in words.
- You maintain a constant connection (for example, during the workday) and maintain a certain rhythm of distance and closeness. Moreover, people with a good bond don’t experience anxiety if their partner reduces the intensity of communication for work or internal reasons (fatigue, illness). These rhythms often synchronize.
- You feel safe with this person, both physically and mentally. You feel like this person is your support. And you can literally trust them blindly. You know for sure they won’t betray you.
- You feel alive when you’re around this person; you may experience a surge of energy, but also a sense of calm. You simply feel good.
- Time can literally fly when you’re around such a person. You want to get to know them, but you also get to know yourself better.
- You feel whole when you’re with such a person, but you don’t lose that sense of wholeness when you distance yourself. This is different from codependency, where a person feels a painful emptiness without a partner. You feel unconditionally accepted. You don’t need to be anyone else. This connection develops, becoming healthier and stronger. And what’s more, it fosters the growth and development of each partner.
- You have something in common: similar goals, values, and interests. You might choose the same dish at a restaurant or anticipate what the other person will choose.
- Even if your paths with a person diverge, you do not forget about him.
Between whom a mental connection arises
Thanks to bonding, the mother can understand the child without words, anticipate his desires, identify his needs, and satisfy them.m
Attachment theory pioneer John Bowlby defined bonding as an invisible emotional connection between mother and child that helps them feel connected. Through bonding, a mother is able to understand her child without words, anticipate their desires, identify their needs, and meet them.
A mental connection can form between people who are related (child and parent, brother and sister), as well as between those who share an interest in each other and strive to strengthen the bond. For example, between friends, spouses, and even colleagues (often this happens between business partners).
Daria Yausheva: “The more time we spend with someone important to us, the more information we accumulate. And not just about their interests or emotions, but also about cause-and-effect relationships and behavior patterns.
For example, a wife might recognize that her husband has had a difficult time at work if he starts drinking more coffee than usual. She’s observed this pattern many times and has documented it. Or a husband might sense that something is wrong with his wife if she doesn’t call him at her usual time before work. Or if she does call, but her tone of voice is different. These are fairly obvious examples, but they also explain more subtle situations.
If we are talking about a mental connection between people who have recently met, I can assume that they have significantly similar life experiences: they grew up in similar families, have common interests, are at a similar level of intellectual development, watched the same films, and so on.”
Watch and listen carefully to the person with whom you want to establish a mental connection.
Usually, a mental connection is established naturally. But if you set a goal, a mental connection can be created. The first step is to carefully observe and listen to the person with whom you want to establish such a relationship, be honest with them, respect their feelings, and show yourself to be a person you can trust.
Daria Yausheva: “From what I’ve observed in practice, for a mental connection to be established, it’s enough for one partner to possess a high level of empathy. Essentially, they begin the work of developing an emotional connection within the couple, encouraging openness, setting an example of unconditional support and acceptance—creating the foundation for this connection to form. They foster intimacy. This is a person who knows how to listen and listen attentively, is in good touch with their own emotions and experiences, and can give feedback without judgment, but with empathy.”
How to Break a Mental Connection with Someone: Advice from a Psychologist
To stop a mental connection, you need to cut off all contact with your ex-partner for a while.
Ekaterina Kozeikina: “Reluctance to break contact with someone important to us is a natural reaction; we instinctively strive to maintain connections with loved ones, because it gives us such important feelings of safety and security.
Losing this connection is like withdrawal: at such moments, the brain sends a signal: “Something’s wrong.” Therefore, don’t demand immediate healing and a quick severing of the emotional connection. It’s like an open wound that will take time to heal.
We can’t switch from a deep attachment to a neutral attitude overnight. No matter how difficult it may be, it’s necessary to separate ourselves emotionally, physically, and psychologically from past relationships for a period of time.
Even if the breakup was mutually agreed upon, it takes time to sort out your feelings. The most important thing is to cut off all contact with your ex for a while. In addition to cutting off communication, you should also eliminate any triggers, such as viewing social media pages or sharing photos.
To help yourself let go of an attachment to someone, it’s worth focusing on yourself: find a hobby, meet with friends, make new acquaintances whenever possible, etc. Essentially, letting go of an emotional attachment to someone means refocusing your attention and energy on yourself.
The thing is, if a relationship is like a merger, where someone becomes absolutely everything to you, then when they leave, they take it all with them. If you have your own life, your own interests, your own goals, and you understand what’s important to you, then your autonomous self becomes richer. In this case, if someone leaves you for whatever reason, everything else stays with you. That is, they don’t take all the richness of their life with them. This allows you to maintain stability and let go of them more easily.
Without contact with your ex and a fulfilling life, the emotional connection will inevitably fade. However, it’s important to give yourself as much time as you need, not to rush yourself, and not to criticize yourself for occasionally recurring thoughts and feelings associated with the person who was once significant to you.
The main thing about mental connection
- A mental connection is a deep emotional and intuitive bond between people that allows them to understand each other without words. It is based on trust, empathy, and shared experiences.
- Signs of a mental connection: the ability to anticipate the thoughts and feelings of another person, a feeling of comfort and security near them, synchronization of emotions even at a distance.
- Between whom it occurs: close relatives, friends, spouses, colleagues with a strong emotional attachment.
- How to establish: develop empathy, spend time together, create shared memories.
- How to break up: reduce contact, focus on yourself, and give time for the connection to weaken.
- Important: if the connection is painful, it is better to work on changing it with a psychologist.
