Why do so many women experience problems with their love lives? Because our women hold a frightening number of misconceptions about love! Suffering and loneliness can then become the natural consequence of these misconceptions. A woman finds herself in one of two possible situations: either she suffers from any relationship, or she suffers from loneliness and the need to immediately be in a relationship.
But what are these misconceptions that keep us from being happy in love?
Here are a few of them:
1. To love means to suffer
I see so many women in my programs who have this very belief at their core. For this woman, the lack of problems is itself a problem! Then she starts to create problems for herself. To suffer. And therefore, to love. So, she unconsciously selects as her “lover” just the man who will give her the most reasons to suffer.
The reasons can be many. There are, of course, self-destructive people, brought up on literary masterpieces and believing that love, passion, and suffering are all the same thing. Well, as they say, everyone plays their own game—the main thing is to have fun. However, very often women just believe that by remaining in such problematic relationships, they are “working through” something. As I said in the article “Shit in Relationships,” how do you know it’s time to leave? Such relationships don’t need any “working through”—they need to be gotten rid of.
2. You can’t be happy without love.
Another myth, and a shout-out to great Classic Literature here. This myth is constantly imposed on women through the media and other information channels. And women believe it. They decide to be unhappy even when they themselves do not really need a relationship; if only they could analyze and understand their desires. But instead of calmly enjoying their temporary freedom and solitude, they feel like something is wrong with them. How can this be? They “should be with someone!”
3. If people love each other, they always feel good together!
“And if he sometimes avoids me or wants to be alone or spend time without me, it means he doesn’t love me!” This is a very dangerous female misconception, which leads to wrong conclusions about a man’s actions. A man can love and still need to be alone quite often. Or without you, with other people. This is his right and necessity. And you need to respect this right and distinguish the wheat from the chaff in your head.
4. He doesn’t talk about his feelings, which means he doesn’t love me.
Yes, there are enough men who are very frugal with their words of affection and do not understand that for us women, this is a very, very important thing! They even have trouble saying something as simple as, “I really like you.” Forget about hearing “I love you” or “You’re so amazing” from one of them, and so on down the list.
As to why there is this “silence,” there can be many reasons. These include male fears and traditions of his family (for instance, if he came from a family where it was a tradition to keep one’s feelings inside). But we’re not discussing this right now. What we are discussing is that this misunderstanding gives us women a lot of grief and sometimes leads us to break off such relationships, even if the man is showing us through his actions that he loves and cares for us.
Conclusion: a man is a man of actions, not words. Just because he doesn’t tell you he loves you doesn’t mean he doesn’t. In this case, you have to examine his particular actions, not his words.
5. He often raises his voice, is rude, or is rude. This means he doesn’t respect or love you.
In many cases, the rudeness of a man is just a result of high testosterone levels in his blood. Again, if a man actually shows care and love, don’t jump to conclusions. Think about whether he has always been like this or whether some life circumstances have led to this. If it’s a new thing, it can be fixed with love, understanding, and support.
But don’t overdo it! It often happens that a woman, without even noticing it, starts playing the victim and literally provokes a man to be rude to her. To avoid this, develop inner strength and avoid showing signs of fear. Act with dignity, but without any aggression! An enveloping calmness is your biggest weapon.
If the man has always shown signs of aggression, then what’s the surprise about it? “You could see it in his eyes; his hands were grabbing you.” So it’s a constant thing, and yes, it tends to get worse. Living with an aggressive man is definitely not easy. But even a wild beast can be tamed with love! The advice here is the same as in the previous case (we’re not talking about abuse now, there’s always only one solution – leave).
6. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.
This is actually a very cool misconception!
We have been taught to avoid conflict. Conflicts are very disadvantageous to society, and it teaches this to their children: “Avoiding conflict is good. The fewer conflicts, the better the family.” But this isn’t true. If you handle conflict well, it will be much more advantageous than suppressing your grievances and disagreements with your partner. Teach yourself to communicate your needs and express your emotions to your partner. The more you value your needs, the more your partner will value them. This world is very fair. And in general, do not pursue “silence” in a relationship. Passion can sometimes be more advantageous than silence. A good conflict with a peaceful ending will never hurt anyone!
P.S. For those of you who are in problematic relationships and would like to either save and improve them or leave them in a healthy and sustainable way, I highly recommend my video course, “Reconstruction of Love,” which I am very proud of. It will become your best and most reliable assistant in matters of love, romance, relationships, and any other issues related to negative emotional states (fear, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, etc.).
This is an absolute essential guide for anyone who has ever been in a relationship and has issues in their personal life. The special technologies of this course will help you get rid of what is damaging your relationships, “cleanse” your past and present from the negative effects of your previous relationships, turn any negative state of being in the present into a positive one, and program yourself for happy relationships in the future. I highly recommend it :
